This day will be a day Adrienne and I will forever remember. An amazingly beautiful yet terrifying day. I’m not sure I can even think of the words that would come close to describing the emotions that were flowing through all of us yesterday.

The Thursday before we had decided to induce labor because it wasn’t looking like her cervix was going to be opening anytime soon, and the baby being 4 days late already, he really needed to get out of there! We arrived at the hospital at Monday morning at 5AM. Neither of us had slept the night before because of the anticipation of what would happen the next day. Early in the day they decided to give her (drug escapes me now) which is just a gel tablet placed inside to help the cervix to open. While waiting for this drug  to work they drew some blood to make sure everything was looking a-okay. Unfortunately they weren’t. Adrienne had an abnormally low amount of platelets in her blood, and on top of that her blood pressure was starting to rise. During the course of the day they ran 3-4 more blood test which all revealed her platelets sinking lower and lower. At this point our doctor had told us that she indeed had preclampsyia and could become a serious problem if her platelets kept dropping. Since the platelets were so low they decided upon not allowing us to induce with pitocen, and also not allowing the use of a epidural.

Considering the size of the baby and not being able to use an epidural, or any other drugs because of her high blood pressure, the only other option was a c-section, and the doctor made it clear that it had to happen now. My subconscious must have known something because that uneasy feeling I felt on the way to the hospital that morning was now justified.  Adrienne had been poked and prodded, wires everywhere, machines all over the place, and now had to go into surgery to make sure our son was able to get out there and take his first breath!

I wasn’t able to join her in the surgery room, which was horrible, because I couldn’t imagine how scared she was in there, and her parents and myself were stuck in her labor room waiting for the word. The word came, about an hour after she left the room and we immediately ran up to the nursery to make sure everything was well. And indeed it was.

The moment I saw him was surreal to say the least.  I kept telling myself, “This is your son, this is your son!” but my brain never replied back. I couldn’t stop staring, i couldn’t take myself out of the moment, and it lasted forever.

I was still worried about Adrienne’s condition and left my son in the nursery to see how she was doing. She was in an immense amount of pain as anyone can imagine, and it was horrible not being able to do anything about it. And through all of this pain, she still managed to smile for the rest of us.  At this moment she is now anemic, but making a speedy recovery. Her blood pressure is getting better and her platelet count is almost back to average. The doctor is letting us go home tomorrow (wednesday) after they take out the staples and glue the incision, OUCH!

There are so many things I’m feeling right now, and so much I wish I was able to say and express because I’ve never felt as alive as I do now in this very moment. I want to say thanks to all of our family and friends who supported us through the ridiculously long 9 months of anticipation. I know that all of you will still help and support us through Avin’s life and that is more than we could ever ask for. We love you all!

Avin Koan Keller, born June 2, 2008 at 3:46pm. 9 Ibs!!!!!!! 

My wife never ceases to amaze me. She’s 39 weeks pregnant and still goes to work full time, and will continue to go to work right up until her due date on the 25th. Through all the back aches, ankle swelling, and having to use the bathroom every 5 minutes she still manages to get up in the morning and deal with the grind of a 9-5 day at work, and I love her for it.

I took this photo in hopes that it will be the last photo taken during pregancy. She hates it, so of course I had to post it!

This is coming from a dad’s perspective, so I can’t really speak for anyone who’s pregnant, obviously.  9 months of pregnancy is a hell of a lot harder for the moms than anyone else, but since I consider this a team effort between mom and dad, we try our best to be on the same page about certain things. Don’t get me wrong, we love hearing advice from anyone with experience raising children. I’m always up for hearing someone’s perspective, and learning from it. But sometimes the majority of advice that is given to us becomes repetitive, and is only said because it feels like the right thing to say at the time, because we’ve all heard it many times before. Not only does it come from family and friends, but strangers as well. It’s not that I would rather everyone not say anything at all, far from it. What I wish to happen is that people remember it’s not always what you say, but how you say it. In other words, teach not tell!

1. “It’s not going to be easy!” - The problem with this response is, not only that it’s obvious, but that it’s usually used with a negative connotation. Using a negative connotation with any response is not an effective way to show support for a situation. This response implies that everything having to do with a baby is complicated, challenging, and disheartening, and will probably cause you more suffering than you’ve ever felt in your entire life. At least, this is what I felt from the wave of dread that passed over me the first time someone said this to me. Say for example, a friend of yours is about to take a final exam for a really tough class he’s taking. He comes to you asking for insight and reassurance that he will do okay, but all you can come up with is, “It’s not going to be easy!” The situation is different, but the context is the same. Hearing this response when looking for support and reassurance about a situation will only cause someone to worry more. People who say “It’s not going to be easy” when referring to having a baby usually have good intentions, especially when it comes from family and friends, but the problem is that they say these things out of impulse because it’s something we’ve all heard many times before.

2.  “Your life is going to change.” -  Also obvious. In fact, I’m counting on it! This response sort of goes hand in hand with the one above. It will most likely come from your parents, and also brings with it a negative connotation. I say this because if the person speaking was attempting to use this response with a positive outlook, they would have probably added a positive word within. It would probably sound more like, “Your life is going to be amazing.” Or, “This baby is going to bring joy into your lives.” For example, someone you know is trying to earn their degree after many years of being in school. It’s challenging and causes a lot of frustration, but they still go through with it to accomplish their goal. Would you tell that person, “Your life is going to change.” because of it? Not likely, because using a postive outlook response would be more appropriate. The same would apply for pregnancy and raising a child. It takes a long time, is extremely challenging and frustrating, but if you reach that goal you were aiming for, it becomes a wonderful thing. Not to say that you couldn’t use this response with a positive outlook, because you can. But for the most part it is said out of impulse because the person saying it usually assumes that the person they are speaking to is taking the situation lightly, which is untrue in most cases. I say this because I’ve never met anyone who actually believes having a baby is going to be a walk in the park, but who knows.

3. “Are you excited?” - I don’t necessarily hate this one but it does become a little annoying at times. I usually assume that it’s a rhetorical question, considering the obvious answer one would usually give, but somehow people still ask me as if they really don’t know the answer. And I get asked this question a lot. A stranger recently asked me this, to which I replied, “I’m past the excitement part, I’m ready for him to grow up and move out already.” Her blank stare told me she failed to see the humor in my response. I don’t mind when people ask me whether or not I’m excited, it shows they are attempting to be involved in that excitement, which is a good thing. The problem is that it feels like most people ask this as if they are first person to do so, when in fact the number may very well be in the triple digits. It’s almost as if my mind has been building up an immunity to this question and every time I hear it, the excitement level drops a little less.

4. Sleep now because you won’t be getting any!” - This usually precedes something like, “You’ll be waking up every 2 hours! At 3 or 4 in the morning!” It’s told more so as a warning to new parents, instead of a general tidbit of knowledge. I wish that I would just speak up and say, “So?” So what if it’s 3 or 4 in the morning, because the second I look at my son I’ll realize this little thing is the best thing in the world and I’ll be nothing but happy to see his tiny face no matter what time it is. Besides, I don’t sleep as it is now, but that’s besides the point. It feels like people only say this so when you do have to wake up early in the morning because of the baby, you’re going to feel some sort of regret about having a child in the first place, which is probably not their intention to do so. But why else would someone say that for? Have you ever heard anyone say, “You’ll be up all night!” with an excited tone? I haven’t either. The baby could keep me up for a week straight and I still wouldn’t feel regret for having him, because being there for your child, no matter what time, is what being a parent is all about. Isn’t it?

5. “Just you wait!” - This one pretty much applies to everything I’ve said above and more. It can be used in any situation, and most people love to use it.  It’s a good ender to most arguments because it ensures the person saying it that they will be able to follow up with an “I told you so” if that time ever comes. I don’t personally hear this one often, because I’m not one to get into arguments regarding parenting, but the few times I did hear it I would just reply, “What else am I going to do but wait?”. I can understand the reason why people like to say this. Most young parents can have pretty strong opinions about raising a child, but the truth is that, we really won’t know until that moment happens. And you can’t argue with someone who is stuck in their ways, which is why “just you wait” is such an easy way to end a conversation. In actuality, no one wants to hear, “I told you so”, which is why teaching, not telling, someone about what they know nothing about is so important. It’s also important to remember that being stuck in their ways stands true for both parties involved. Keeping these aspects in mind, in most cases, ensures that the “just you wait’s” and the “I told you so’s” aren’t necessary.

I’m sure most of that just sounded like rambling from a young first time father. Which is probably true. But, the one main point I was trying to get across was that the most important thing anyone could give to first time parents is support. That’s really all anyone needs. Stand behind us through this frustrating time and give us the independence and responsibility we need to learn how to be great parents. And by instinct, we will become great parents. Not because of any impulse advice or warning signs, but because of the support that is shown to us by our family and friends.

It won’t be long until Avin is consuming our lives and being the greatest thing to ever happen to us without even trying. It’s making me more impatient than ever. 60 days might as well be 60 years. Nonetheless, I’m sure he’ll be here before we know it, and I won’t even remember how I’m feeling at this moment.

I wanted to update on what’s being going on lately because it’s been awhile since I actually wrote something. I’m sure after Avin is born I’ll have a lot more to talk about, because as of now, It’s nothing but anticipation.

Anyway, we went to  our last ultrasound recently, and found out the “echogenic bowel”  the doctor was so concerned about turned out to be nothing.  It went away on it’s own.  I’d like to go back in time and tell that doctor to shove his foot in his mouth.

We aren’t out of the blue yet, however. Her glucose test results came back a little high, and she now has to go back and do another 3-4 hour glucose test with double the amount of the orange stuff (yummy). If 2 of the 4 results come back high, then we’ll have to be referred to a nutritionist to make sure she’s watching her blood levels and eating the right foods.  I’d like to note that it’s not easy telling a pregnant woman what to eat and what not to eat, so I’ll leave that to the nutritionist.

I haven’t scanned in the new 4d pictures of Avin yet, but I will soon because baby pictures are always a good thing!

Until then, more anticipation.

Stacy recently commented asking about the blood tests Adrienne has to have done to rule out any infection(s) she may have, based on the “bright” intestines they saw on a recent ultrasound. I’ve been doing some research about the tests, and I thought I would share this information and my answer to Stacy and anyone else who may be interested.

Stacy wrote:

Hi,

I was just reading your post and I was told today that the small intestines “lit-up” on my 20-week ultrasound. Everything else looked normal (no other indicators of a problem) - but I am sooo scared. I feel like I can’t breathe. I actually already had an amnio and everything came back normal. I’m scared that their could be an element of human error with the amnio. Also, did you know you can get a blood test for cystic fibrosis (just to rule it out). I found out I already had that test and I’m not a carrier. I’m curious what 3 blood tests your wife had? I know you can get a test for a virus, but is it actually 3 tests? Please let me know. Thank you and I’m so happy your baby is fine!!

Adrienne and I both know exactly how you feel. It’s horrifying to think something may be wrong with your baby. What makes it worse is that you feel like it’s all your fault and you can’t do anything to fix the problem. It’s probably one of the worst things I’ve felt in my entire life, and I’m pretty sure Adrienne can attest to that as well. The only thing you can do is hope for the best, and trust your intuition when deciding to undergo medical prodcedures and tests that may rule out possibilities of a problem. We decided not to go with an amnio because the risk of losing our child just for a “yes” or “no” answer doesn’t seem worth the risk. We asked ourselves if knowing the answer to that test would change the way we feel about our child, and we both knew instantly that we would love him the same, no matter the circumstances. The best thing to do I believe, is to just trust yourself. You will know what’s best for your baby, so just trust in yourself and whatever decisions you may make.

Alright, enough rambling. On to the information you asked for. To rule out the possibilities of infection, the doctor recommended 3 more blood tests. Here is some information I found about each of the those tests.

CMV IgM and IgG

(From http://www.labtestsonline.org/understanding/analytes/cmv/test.html)

There are several methods of detecting a cytomegalovirus (CMV) infection:

Two types of CMV antibodies may be found in the blood: IgM and IgG. IgM antibodies are the first to be produced by the body in response to a CMV infection.

CMV antibody testing may be performed to determine immunity to CMV in pregnant women, in patients prior to organ or bone marrow transplantation, and in a person diagnosed with HIV/AIDS.

(From http://www.emedicine.com/PED/topic544.htm)

Of all the human herpesviruses described to date, cytomegalovirus (CMV) is arguably the one whose infection causes the most morbidity and mortality. Although primary infection with this agent generally does not produce symptoms in healthy adults, several high-risk groups, including immunocompromised organ transplant recipients and individuals infected with HIV, are at risk of developing life- and sight-threatening CMV disease. In addition, CMV has emerged in recent years as the most important cause of congenital infection in the developed world, commonly leading to mental retardation and developmental disability.

Varicella-Zoster Virus Antibodies, IgG & IgM (chicken pox)

(From http://dermatology.about.com/cs/pregnancy/a/chickenpreg.htm)

Chicken pox is usually a benign, self-limited, viral infection caused by the varicella virus. However, chicken pox acquired during pregnancy causes an increase risk of complications to the mother and the infant. The time of infection, during early pregnancy or near delivery, determines the risk to mother and child.

Pregnant women who have a history of a previous chicken pox infection or who have been immunized have antibodies to the virus. These antibodies are transferred to the infant through the placenta throughout the pregnancy. Therefore, pregnant women who are immune and are exposed to someone with chicken pox do not need to worry about complications for themselves or their infant.

Toxoplasma gondii

(From http://gateway.nlm.nih.gov/MeetingAbstracts/102235562.html)

Toxoplasma gondii is an important pathogen in immunocompromised patients and a cause of birth defects in congenitally infected infants. From 5% to 25% of the adult population in the USA is seropositive for Toxoplasma antibodies. Acceptable sensitivity and specificity have been reported for the measurement of IgG antibodies, but the detection of IgM antibodies is more problematic because of clinical concerns.

I had thought that she was already tested for these, I thought they sounded familiar when the Dr. wrote out the order, but nonetheless, it’s best to rule out any possibilities we can. So Stacy, I hope this information helps you out in some way.

Today is a waiting day. I’m not an impatient person so waiting is no problem for me, and it’s never been a problem in the past either. It does however become a problem when it pertains to my son. And more so when it has something to do with his health and well being. You can’t help but think the worse, even when everyone around you is telling you to hope for the best. And I do, I always hope for the best, and I know the best will happen. But when you’re stuck playing the waiting game, it feels more like… purgatory.

We went to our regular obstetrician yesterday (not the ultrasound guy), and asked him about our concern with the ultrasound findings. He told us that out of all the thousands of pregnancies he has done, he’s only seen an echogenicities alone with no other indicators, less than 3-4 times. He also told us that single indicators alone on an ultrasound turn out to be nothing 99% of the time. And considering her blood test results and healthy status, there isn’t a need for an amniocentesis. Now this is the information we would have loved to hear during our last ultrasound visit. Needless to say, we went home yesterday as content parents, and not terrified out-of-our mind parents.

We are still in the same status as we have been, but at least we have more assurance now that it’s not something we should have been fretting over so much because of what the last doctor said. So we wait, until the 31st of this month, when we return to the ultrasound doctor and hope to see Avin’s small intestines again, only not so bright this time.

Today however, is a waiting day.

This is something that has been on my mind ever since our last ultrasound on January 8th. I wanted to write about it in hopes that I could compose my thoughts and also get insight from others who may have had similar experiences.

My sister, who was concerned about our experience with our last ultrasound, had a discussion with a friend of hers who has been an emt/nurse for little over 20 years. The insight she gave my sister made me reconsider the situation the doctor we visited had given us. I mentioned before that I take everything with a grain of salt, and I still do, and I understand that since nor my sister or her friend were there, they won’t be able to interpret the situation to it’s full extent. But that doesn’t mean considering their insight is something I’m going to disregard.

The one thing that I keep asking myself is, “Was it right for the doctor to recommend an amniocentesis with such a low percentage indicator?” I’m not sure if he was just having a bad day or what, but he made us feel like we had a high risk pregnancy. With a 3-4% chance of down syndrome, and no other indicators, would anyone really do an amniocentesis? Especially when the risk of that test doing more damage than good is, give or take, the same percentage of having down syndrome in the first place? I just don’t see the need for a test that only gives us a yes or no, with false positives, with a risk of causing a miscarriage, just to know, when the only indicator makes it such a low possibility. The doctor didn’t seem to understand how I felt about this, and I’m not sure why.

He also seemed to mention abortion quite a few times, even when I thought I made it clear that abortion was not an option for us. Which also makes me wonder if he thought we were just some stupid young couple who shouldn’t be having a child. Either way, I don’t think he understood the effect his words had on us. If you remember the last entry about this, I had said that Adrienne didn’t even make it out of the elevator before she was in tears. I know this is our first child, but something tells me that’s not what’s supposed to happen after seeing your child move around on an ultrasound screen, so you can imagine how the doctor made us feel by what he said.

Maybe if he approached us a little different, explained himself more, and used a much happier tone, the whole experience could have been different. But since it happened the way it did, we decided we weren’t going to be seeing that doctor anymore, and I don’t think anyone would blame me for saying that.

This also makes me wonder how many oblivious and naive parents out there have experiences like this only to end up having an abortion when it wasn’t even necessary? Not that abortion and necessary should even be in the same sentence, but that’s a whole other debate in itself, and one that I don’t want to get into.

I’d like to hear some insight on what others think about the situation. And although none of you were there, and it’s near impossible for me to explain what he said and how I felt at the moment, I still want to hear what others have to say.

Since this is the first entry on the site, I may as well give everyone an idea of what’s going on here. Obviously, having a child is probably the most amazing and important thing that could happen to any couple, given the situation. Due to the large amount of family and friends we have who are also involved in our lives, I wanted to give everyone a simple and easy way to stay connected with what’s happening. So, illeatyouup.com (IEYU) is here to help document and photograph the life of Avin, his mother Adrienne, and myself. It helps remind me to never forget to stand up and live, a message that I hope to pass down to Avin. And quite possibly, one day he’ll look back at this and thank me.

From here on out, the updates will come as they happen, so I’ll take this moment to catch everyone up on what they already know is going on.

Adrienne and I had always talked about having children, when we were ready of course. A connection with a child is something we have always thought was important in one’s life, but we definitely didn’t think it was something that would happen as soon as it did. Initially she had thought she was getting sick; there was much vomiting and the morning sickness was becoming unbearable. We went to the doctor to confirm what we had already predicted. While there, we were sitting in the waiting room watching a father and his daughter playing. He was pretending to be a lion, chasing his daughter around on all fours, making lots of roaring sounds and the like. Adrienne had turned to me and asked, “That’s going to be you with our baby?”. “Nah” I said, “I can roar much louder.”

I sat and waited while she went in the doctors office to get checked out. Collecting my thoughts, I tried my best to prepare myself for what I already expected to hear. The nurse came out and called for a Kevin. I paused for a moment thinking she was just calling another waiting patient. She looked at me and said, “Are you kevin? Adrienne has something to show you.” Ah crap, I thought as my legs, apparently made of jello, carried my body into the dark room where I noticed Adrienne laying, hands on her face, in tears. She looked up at me, trying her best to hold in her emotions and somehow managed to smile. The only thing I could muster was, “Oh my God.” But the moment it truly became real was when we heard the baby’s heartbeat. Time stopped and everything else in my life was put away for a moment. The heartbeat was like an alarm clock for my life, telling me to wake up. So I did. I woke up.