To further my quest to be consciously aware, I decided to look into what kind of products I could purchase that not only serve as toys for Avin, but also as a lesson he can learn later on in life about living consciously. I don’t want him to grow up and take what he has for granted, and I also want him to understand that there are many people in this world who have much less than he does. I want him to know that there may not be much we can do to change what happens in this world, but that shouldn’t be a reason for us to do nothing at all. Sometimes the little things, like showing support and being aware, can make a big difference in the long run, and that’s why I chose to buy this product.

If you read my previous post about Going Green With Your Baby you may remember this awesome little leopard I mentioned. I initially decided to purchase this product because it was made from sustainable materials and I’m always a sucker for going green. It wasn’t until I actually received him in the mail when I realized there was more to it than that. The story behind this little guy made me appreciate him way more than I would if he was purchased at a department store, regardless of price.

He came from an organization called Kenana Knitter Critters, whose primary object is to help rural women find some much needed form of income utilising their spinning and knitting skills, in Kenya. Here is some info from their website which can explain much better than I can.

Njoro is mainly a farming area - agricultural work for the men is easier to come by than for the women-folk, yet agricultural wages are insufficient to support large and extended families. This group generates two forms of income, buying the wool, then creating more work by turning the wool into a marketable product. The money goes direct into the hands of the women who are thus able to improve the quality of their lives.

Kenana Knitters group enables its workers to directly benefit from their efforts. Knitting is ideal. it requires minimal equipment, can be done in snatches when time permits. When the rains come and the family crops and vegetables need tending not much knitting gets done, but in times of drought and crop failure, when the family garden is bare of supplementary vegetables, money can now be earned to purchase the necessities of life.

You can read more about this organization at their website here.

The person who created this particular product even signed her name on the tag, how cool is that! It’s one of a kind.

I purchased the product for $24.00 from Branch, an online store that sells a lot of cool sustainable products. Some may say that’s a hefty price to pay when you could easily get something similar for half the price from Wal-Mart or Target. This is true. However, knowing that I can make even the smallest difference by helping someone who really needs it and get an awesome toy for my son means way more than the price I paid. Wal-Mart doesn’t need my money, nor does Target, but Josphine does. And that is why I pay $24 for a stuffed sustainable standing leopard for my son.

This is coming from a dad’s perspective, so I can’t really speak for anyone who’s pregnant, obviously.  9 months of pregnancy is a hell of a lot harder for the moms than anyone else, but since I consider this a team effort between mom and dad, we try our best to be on the same page about certain things. Don’t get me wrong, we love hearing advice from anyone with experience raising children. I’m always up for hearing someone’s perspective, and learning from it. But sometimes the majority of advice that is given to us becomes repetitive, and is only said because it feels like the right thing to say at the time, because we’ve all heard it many times before. Not only does it come from family and friends, but strangers as well. It’s not that I would rather everyone not say anything at all, far from it. What I wish to happen is that people remember it’s not always what you say, but how you say it. In other words, teach not tell!

1. “It’s not going to be easy!” - The problem with this response is, not only that it’s obvious, but that it’s usually used with a negative connotation. Using a negative connotation with any response is not an effective way to show support for a situation. This response implies that everything having to do with a baby is complicated, challenging, and disheartening, and will probably cause you more suffering than you’ve ever felt in your entire life. At least, this is what I felt from the wave of dread that passed over me the first time someone said this to me. Say for example, a friend of yours is about to take a final exam for a really tough class he’s taking. He comes to you asking for insight and reassurance that he will do okay, but all you can come up with is, “It’s not going to be easy!” The situation is different, but the context is the same. Hearing this response when looking for support and reassurance about a situation will only cause someone to worry more. People who say “It’s not going to be easy” when referring to having a baby usually have good intentions, especially when it comes from family and friends, but the problem is that they say these things out of impulse because it’s something we’ve all heard many times before.

2.  “Your life is going to change.” -  Also obvious. In fact, I’m counting on it! This response sort of goes hand in hand with the one above. It will most likely come from your parents, and also brings with it a negative connotation. I say this because if the person speaking was attempting to use this response with a positive outlook, they would have probably added a positive word within. It would probably sound more like, “Your life is going to be amazing.” Or, “This baby is going to bring joy into your lives.” For example, someone you know is trying to earn their degree after many years of being in school. It’s challenging and causes a lot of frustration, but they still go through with it to accomplish their goal. Would you tell that person, “Your life is going to change.” because of it? Not likely, because using a postive outlook response would be more appropriate. The same would apply for pregnancy and raising a child. It takes a long time, is extremely challenging and frustrating, but if you reach that goal you were aiming for, it becomes a wonderful thing. Not to say that you couldn’t use this response with a positive outlook, because you can. But for the most part it is said out of impulse because the person saying it usually assumes that the person they are speaking to is taking the situation lightly, which is untrue in most cases. I say this because I’ve never met anyone who actually believes having a baby is going to be a walk in the park, but who knows.

3. “Are you excited?” - I don’t necessarily hate this one but it does become a little annoying at times. I usually assume that it’s a rhetorical question, considering the obvious answer one would usually give, but somehow people still ask me as if they really don’t know the answer. And I get asked this question a lot. A stranger recently asked me this, to which I replied, “I’m past the excitement part, I’m ready for him to grow up and move out already.” Her blank stare told me she failed to see the humor in my response. I don’t mind when people ask me whether or not I’m excited, it shows they are attempting to be involved in that excitement, which is a good thing. The problem is that it feels like most people ask this as if they are first person to do so, when in fact the number may very well be in the triple digits. It’s almost as if my mind has been building up an immunity to this question and every time I hear it, the excitement level drops a little less.

4. Sleep now because you won’t be getting any!” - This usually precedes something like, “You’ll be waking up every 2 hours! At 3 or 4 in the morning!” It’s told more so as a warning to new parents, instead of a general tidbit of knowledge. I wish that I would just speak up and say, “So?” So what if it’s 3 or 4 in the morning, because the second I look at my son I’ll realize this little thing is the best thing in the world and I’ll be nothing but happy to see his tiny face no matter what time it is. Besides, I don’t sleep as it is now, but that’s besides the point. It feels like people only say this so when you do have to wake up early in the morning because of the baby, you’re going to feel some sort of regret about having a child in the first place, which is probably not their intention to do so. But why else would someone say that for? Have you ever heard anyone say, “You’ll be up all night!” with an excited tone? I haven’t either. The baby could keep me up for a week straight and I still wouldn’t feel regret for having him, because being there for your child, no matter what time, is what being a parent is all about. Isn’t it?

5. “Just you wait!” - This one pretty much applies to everything I’ve said above and more. It can be used in any situation, and most people love to use it.  It’s a good ender to most arguments because it ensures the person saying it that they will be able to follow up with an “I told you so” if that time ever comes. I don’t personally hear this one often, because I’m not one to get into arguments regarding parenting, but the few times I did hear it I would just reply, “What else am I going to do but wait?”. I can understand the reason why people like to say this. Most young parents can have pretty strong opinions about raising a child, but the truth is that, we really won’t know until that moment happens. And you can’t argue with someone who is stuck in their ways, which is why “just you wait” is such an easy way to end a conversation. In actuality, no one wants to hear, “I told you so”, which is why teaching, not telling, someone about what they know nothing about is so important. It’s also important to remember that being stuck in their ways stands true for both parties involved. Keeping these aspects in mind, in most cases, ensures that the “just you wait’s” and the “I told you so’s” aren’t necessary.

I’m sure most of that just sounded like rambling from a young first time father. Which is probably true. But, the one main point I was trying to get across was that the most important thing anyone could give to first time parents is support. That’s really all anyone needs. Stand behind us through this frustrating time and give us the independence and responsibility we need to learn how to be great parents. And by instinct, we will become great parents. Not because of any impulse advice or warning signs, but because of the support that is shown to us by our family and friends.

Stacy recently commented asking about the blood tests Adrienne has to have done to rule out any infection(s) she may have, based on the “bright” intestines they saw on a recent ultrasound. I’ve been doing some research about the tests, and I thought I would share this information and my answer to Stacy and anyone else who may be interested.

Stacy wrote:

Hi,

I was just reading your post and I was told today that the small intestines “lit-up” on my 20-week ultrasound. Everything else looked normal (no other indicators of a problem) - but I am sooo scared. I feel like I can’t breathe. I actually already had an amnio and everything came back normal. I’m scared that their could be an element of human error with the amnio. Also, did you know you can get a blood test for cystic fibrosis (just to rule it out). I found out I already had that test and I’m not a carrier. I’m curious what 3 blood tests your wife had? I know you can get a test for a virus, but is it actually 3 tests? Please let me know. Thank you and I’m so happy your baby is fine!!

Adrienne and I both know exactly how you feel. It’s horrifying to think something may be wrong with your baby. What makes it worse is that you feel like it’s all your fault and you can’t do anything to fix the problem. It’s probably one of the worst things I’ve felt in my entire life, and I’m pretty sure Adrienne can attest to that as well. The only thing you can do is hope for the best, and trust your intuition when deciding to undergo medical prodcedures and tests that may rule out possibilities of a problem. We decided not to go with an amnio because the risk of losing our child just for a “yes” or “no” answer doesn’t seem worth the risk. We asked ourselves if knowing the answer to that test would change the way we feel about our child, and we both knew instantly that we would love him the same, no matter the circumstances. The best thing to do I believe, is to just trust yourself. You will know what’s best for your baby, so just trust in yourself and whatever decisions you may make.

Alright, enough rambling. On to the information you asked for. To rule out the possibilities of infection, the doctor recommended 3 more blood tests. Here is some information I found about each of the those tests.

CMV IgM and IgG

(From http://www.labtestsonline.org/understanding/analytes/cmv/test.html)

There are several methods of detecting a cytomegalovirus (CMV) infection:

Two types of CMV antibodies may be found in the blood: IgM and IgG. IgM antibodies are the first to be produced by the body in response to a CMV infection.

CMV antibody testing may be performed to determine immunity to CMV in pregnant women, in patients prior to organ or bone marrow transplantation, and in a person diagnosed with HIV/AIDS.

(From http://www.emedicine.com/PED/topic544.htm)

Of all the human herpesviruses described to date, cytomegalovirus (CMV) is arguably the one whose infection causes the most morbidity and mortality. Although primary infection with this agent generally does not produce symptoms in healthy adults, several high-risk groups, including immunocompromised organ transplant recipients and individuals infected with HIV, are at risk of developing life- and sight-threatening CMV disease. In addition, CMV has emerged in recent years as the most important cause of congenital infection in the developed world, commonly leading to mental retardation and developmental disability.

Varicella-Zoster Virus Antibodies, IgG & IgM (chicken pox)

(From http://dermatology.about.com/cs/pregnancy/a/chickenpreg.htm)

Chicken pox is usually a benign, self-limited, viral infection caused by the varicella virus. However, chicken pox acquired during pregnancy causes an increase risk of complications to the mother and the infant. The time of infection, during early pregnancy or near delivery, determines the risk to mother and child.

Pregnant women who have a history of a previous chicken pox infection or who have been immunized have antibodies to the virus. These antibodies are transferred to the infant through the placenta throughout the pregnancy. Therefore, pregnant women who are immune and are exposed to someone with chicken pox do not need to worry about complications for themselves or their infant.

Toxoplasma gondii

(From http://gateway.nlm.nih.gov/MeetingAbstracts/102235562.html)

Toxoplasma gondii is an important pathogen in immunocompromised patients and a cause of birth defects in congenitally infected infants. From 5% to 25% of the adult population in the USA is seropositive for Toxoplasma antibodies. Acceptable sensitivity and specificity have been reported for the measurement of IgG antibodies, but the detection of IgM antibodies is more problematic because of clinical concerns.

I had thought that she was already tested for these, I thought they sounded familiar when the Dr. wrote out the order, but nonetheless, it’s best to rule out any possibilities we can. So Stacy, I hope this information helps you out in some way.

… is ridiculously hard. Seriously. It’s just a car seat I know, but still, it’s hard. If I’m buying something for myself, or my wife, I usually have no trouble trusting my intuition and just picking something out. Unfortunately, when it comes to my son I can’t seem to make up my mind until I’ve completely weighed and analyzed every variable known to man. When it comes to car seats, there is just way too much information to look at, and even more to think about. In the end I don’t want to end up settling for one simply because it’s there, and the price is right. So this doesn’t happen, I’ve narrowed down my choices based on the car seat information I’ve found online.

I Googled “child car seat buying guide” and sure enough, Google gave me a wonderful link to AAP Car Safety Seats: A Guide For Families 2008. There was a lot of valuable information about the types of car seats available and also some tips to remember for each of them. It was a good referesher for the very little car seat knowledge I already obtained.

We had initially decided that we were going to get a convertible type seat, since it saves money in the long run by not having to buy another seat as your child grows. I like that idea. However, I don’t like how these types of seats do not come with carrying handles or a separate base. I just think it would be more convenient not having to take the baby out of the seat and into a stroller or sling/carrier for shorter stops, when I can just detach the seat and take it with me.

On the AAP website was also a link to the Office of Defects Investigation, which lists previous recalls for various child car seats. What I found was that almost every manufacturer we were considering had a recall or two with past seat models. One manufacturer had a recall for every model in every year since 2001. From screws which loosen and become choking hazards, to children getting their fingers stuck in the different parts of the seats, it’s all a little unnerving.

The last site I looked over was the Child Passenger Safety: Ease-of-Use Ratings on the NHTSA website. This website rates various manufacturers and models by 1-5 stars in categories such as: securing the child, installation features, and overall ease of use. All great information to look at before making a decision.

Based on all the information gathered above, I narrowed it down to these choices of seats. These companies seem to have the least recalls in the last 5 years and have the best ease of use ratings overall.

Evenflo Triumph Advance LX Convertible Car Seat - Barley Twist - $129.99
What I liked about this one was the adjustable shoulder height as well as the ability to tighten and loosen the harness with 2 lockable cranks on each side of the chair.

I don’t like the price.

———————————–

Graco SnugRide Infant Car Seat - Hemmingway - $79.99

I liked how ridiculously comfortable this seat felt, and the ergonomic handle was pretty nice and makes for some easy carrying. The price isn’t too bad considering some of the others.

However, I don’t like Hemmingway.

———————————–

Graco Comfort Sport Car Seat - Metropolitan - $119.99

This seat has a ton of features: Lift-Up Lever Adjustment, Recline Level Indicator, Up-Front Adjustment, and some cupholders on both sides! It also matches the interior of my car quite nicely.

The price is still pretty high, and this seat didn’t look like it would be an easy transport from car to car.

There are a few others like Britax we were considering, but of course we won’t make a decision until we actually walk in and buy one.

I would love to hear some recommendations on what car seats other parents used, or are currently using. What are the pros and cons? Ease of use? Someone help us out here!

Kris from How To Be A Dad! decided to tag me for an interview meme so here goes! Thanks Kris!

How long have you been blogging?

I wouldn’t say I’ve been blogging for years, but I have been writing online for quite some time. From keeping a livejournal back in the day, to the blogs/sites I have now, I enjoy writing to help keep my thoughts in check and allow other people to enter portions of my mind that I don’t usually allow in everyday life. This blog started in December, a little while after Adrienne and I found out she was pregnant.

What inspired you to start your blog, and who are your mentors?

Our child was the sole inspiration to starting this blog. And as the same as Kris, it allows me to avoid having to tell the same information to the many people in our lives who want to know what’s going on with the baby, and sometimes us.

Some of my daily reads include: Kris, Andy, D is for Dad, Zen Habits, and far to many others to list.

Are you trying to make money online, or are you doing it just for fun?

Nah. My intentions for this blog are far more important than making money from it. For those reasons, I vow never to have ads or sponsors cluttering up any part of my site. If I ever go against this vow, I’d like someone to send me an electronic punch to the face. I look at more traffic and readers being the pay off, and worth more than the little money I make from some silly ads.

Short answer: I do it for fun!

What 3 things do you love about being online?

1. Easier to communicate directly and indirectly with people.
2. Getting feedback! Hearing from other people and communicating. The internet is one giant social network, after all.
3. Being able to share my excitement, and giving everyone the ability to choose whether they want to  share that excitement or not.

What 3 things do you struggle with online?

1. Not being able to express completely what I’m trying to say into words/text.
2. Reading other blogs/entries in an objective and non judgemental way.
3. Accepting that other people always judge and can’t look or read things in an objective way.

There you have it!  I don’t really have anyone specific I’d like to tag, so this is a call to anyone reading to  do their own exclusive interview meme and spread it around like a viral marketing ad. (Leave a link in the comments if you do your own, so I can check it out!)

With Avin being about 4-5 months away, we are starting to get more and more of the essential type things ready for him. Things like diapers, bottles, clothes, etc. so I started thinking about the possibility of buying Green products for our baby, and if it was even worth it. I’ve always been an idealist my entire life, and being able to do things that take little effort that pay off big in the long wrong seem like a win win situation for anyone. I decided to do some googling about going green with your baby and found some fantastic information from Treehugger, and their guide on How to Green Your Baby. If you want the whole package, check out their guide, if you want a simple summarized version of the info I found, than keep reading.

Why go Green?
The Go Green Initiative can answer this one for me:

The world has a fixed amount of natural resources - some of which are already depleted. So as population growth greatly strains our finite resources, there are fewer resources available. If we intend to leave our children and grandchildren with the same standard of living we have enjoyed, we must preserve the foundation of that standard of living. We save for college educations, orthodontia, and weddings, but what about saving clean air, water, fuel sources and soil for future generations?

Seems pretty obvious to me, save your resources so the generations after us will be able to live with them as well. What’s better for the environment makes it better for humanity as a whole. Having this mentality also teaches a wonderful lesson to your children. It teaches them how to look at the big picture, and how to make decisions based on what’s best for everyone, and not just for themselves. This is something that I learned at a young age, and something I hope my son will learn as well.

Some info you may or may not know….

• For every ton of paper that is recycled, the following is saved: 7,000 gallons of water; 380 gallons of oil; and enough electricity to power an average house for six months.
• You can run a TV for six hours on the amount of electricity that is saved by recycling one aluminum can.
• By recycling just one glass bottle, you save enough electricity to power a 100-watt bulb for four hours.

(from the Go Green Initiative)

Here are some tips on how to start Greening your baby:

1. Diapers - The average baby uses approx 6,000 diapers before potty training. Babies in the U.S. uses approximately 49 million diapers a day. Babies use a crazy amount of diapers, we all know that. While disposable diapers may be cheaper in some places, and easy to obtain, they still pose a problem for the environment. According to the numbers, petroleum-based disposable diapers take between 200 and 500 years to decompose. Finding an alternative to the disposable diaper is definitely something to consider.

So what are the alternatives?

Cloth - a.k.a. kickin’ it old school. An obvious reason to use cloth diapers is that because they are reusable, you save a lot of money in the long wrong by not having to buy a ton of diapers. A drawback to this is that even though you don’t have to buy new diapers, you are still spending money, time, and energy by having to wash them.

One study has found that home-washing cloth diapers has only 53% of the ecological footprint of disposables, and if you use a diaper laundering service that impact is halved again. (Treehugger)

Even though the days of cloth diapers are long in the past, there are still new types of reusable diapers that are worth considering. Some companies have created eco-friendly cloth diapers which are made of hemp, bamboo, and organic cotton. Some of these diapers also give you the option of using removable flushable liners. By using a laundry service, or an energy efficient machine at lower temps, reusable cloth diapers may be a great alternative to the disposable.

Where to buy and how much?

Better For Babies - This website sells Organic Cotton Diapers for $19.95 and come in a variety of colors such as White, Willow Green, Sunny Orange, and Elemental Blue. They come in many sizes and types of closures. They also sell Organic Hemp Fitted Diapers that range from $15.95 to $17.95 and also come in a variety of colors.

Want to know more about cloth diapers? Check these out:

Cloth Diapering Basics - http://www.betterforbabies.com/clothdiaperingbasics.html
Why Cloth Diapers? - http://www.betterforbabies.com/cloth_diapers_vs_disposable.html
DIY Oz Cloth Nappies - http://www.ozclothnappies.org/links.html#knitting

Biodegradable Diapers - These types of diapers are made with plant based plastics, also known as bioplastics. They are derived from plant sources such as hemp oil, soy bean oil, and corn starch rather than petroleum which disposable diapers are made from.

While these have been found not to break down under landfill conditions, there are other options to compost them such as using a composting toilet, an earthworm system, or a highly active and properly conditioned composting area. Hybrid diapers, like gDiapers, have removable inserts that can safely biodegrade when flushed. (Treehugger)

These diapers are designed to break down quickly after they are disposed of, and is usually made without chemicals from postconsumer material. They are designed to be comfortable, ecologically sound, and easy to use. These biodegradable diapers can be used in composting and vermicomposting, where they can break down quicker than they would in a landfill. And although these composts wouldn’t be suitable for most plants, they can be used for flowers and other decorative plants. Check with your local utility company to see if your local garbage collection includes composting, where you can discard these diapers.

Where to buy and how much?

gDiapers - gDiapers sells biodegradable flushables for $14.49 for a 40 pack. These flushable inserts are to be used with their Little g Pants, which can be purchased for $16.99 and are available in a variety of colors. They also have a starter kit for sale which includes 2 Little g Pants and 10 flushables for $26.99, which makes for a great gift for parents to be!

More info on flushables:

Why flushing is good for the planet - http://www.gdiapers.com/flushinggood

2. Clothing - Green baby clothing comes in many different materials including hemp, bamboo, and organic cotton. They are extremely trendy, super soft, and designed oh so beautifully. They are also created without the use of toxic chemicals which is wonderful for sensitive skin, and also last longer through constant washing. The problem however, is that most Green baby clothing is a little more expensive than the traditional cotton clothes. Considering that babies grow incredibly fast, spending a lot of money on clothes that won’t be used for that long isn’t the greatest idea.

Where to buy and how much?

American Apparel - AA sells organic sustainable clothes that range from $8 to $14 in a variety of styles.
Better For Babies - They have a variety of styles and colors of organic cotton and wool clothing.

some others I enjoy:

• Go Goose Go! - http://www.gogoosego.com
• My Conservation Baby - http://www.myconservationbaby.com
• Ferdinand - http://www.ferdinandhomestore.com
• Nina and Tom - http://www.ninaandtom.com
• Bamboosa - http://www.bamboosa.com
• WonderToast - http://www.wondertoast.com
• Irie Star - http://www.iriestar.com

3. Other Green Stuff

Food - I don’t really need to go into eating healthy organic food. You find these products everywhere because it’s all the craze. If you don’t know what I’m talking about then check out your local Target or Whole Foods Store.

Toys - It really isn’t necessary to get into why we should or shouldn’t buy Green toys. Toys are toys. They are fun regardless. However, with the abundance of toy recalls in the past year because of lead, maybe going Green is the better option. They also seem to appeal to me and most of them are designed and marketed so beautifully, it’s no wonder why I’m attracted to them. Check out some of these examples.

Where to buy and how much?

Branch: Sustainable Design for Living - I would probably spend way to much on this site if I could. I especially like the Standing Leopard, which is made out of natural wool yarn, treated with natural vegetable-based dyes, and costs only $24.00.

Our Green House - This website has a variety of natural toys that range from dolls to puzzles to natural crafts.

Clean Green - Cleaning products are a necessity in any family. More so when you have a baby in the house. Buying Green cleaning products can help you not only have a clean house, but a toxic chemical free house as well. Check out this guide on Treehugger, How to Green Your Cleaning.

Need more Green? Check out these links:

Treehugger
Go Green Initiative
Great Green Baby

In conclusion, I think the whole Green revolution is great. It’s a needed step towards progressing society into sustainable living. We do so much that’s destructive to our environment and it’s great to see a growing trend on making sure we don’t do any more damage than we have to. So, are we going to go Green with our baby? We’re definitely going to try. It will take a lot more work, and maybe even a little extra money. You have to ask yourself if spending that extra dollar, and taking the extra time is worth the trouble of going Green. As I always say, the truth is in the middle. We want to save money and make things easier on the family, but we also want to save our environment, so meeting somewhere in the middle is what we’re going to try and do. As time goes by, society will start to accept Green products as the norm, which in turn makes the products cheaper, and more accessible for everyone. Sooner than later I hope.

 For the most part, the ultrasound went very well. We were able to take home a bunch of new pictures and spent a good amount of time watching our baby squirm around and cover his face with his hands. He must have been a little bashful today. His measurements were normal, his heart rate was perfect, and his weight was just fine. Around 12 ounces to be exact. We also found out that the length from his elbow to his shoulder was about an inch. After the nurse was done collecting data on the ultrasound, she went and fetched the doctor so he could do a double check and let us be on our way. The doctor came in a short time after, looked over some paperwork, and told us that Adrienne’s blood tests all looked fine, and there were no indicators for any problems. It felt great to hear that. “Everything seems fine”, I thought to myself. That feeling however, didn’t last very long, and the next words to come out of the doctor’s mouth made me feel the most horrible emotions I have ever felt:

“Everything seems okay, but there may be a problem.”

If you were in the room at the time, you would have probably been able to hear the sound of my heart falling into my stomach. For some reason my mind automatically replaces the words “may be” with “is”. So of course I’m thinking to myself, “Oh my God, I did something wrong.” I somehow muttered some sort of who, what, where, how question back to the doctor hoping that I may have been mistaken. He explained to us that the ultrasound showed his small intestines being bright. Which of course can mean a million and one different things. A couple of those things being down syndrome and cystic fibrosis. I usually take things with a grain of salt, and I never fully rely on assumptions unless it has a greater chance of it being true. But even so, I was terrified. All a parent ever wants is to have a healthy baby, and anything that takes that security away can be especially heart-wrenching. What makes it worse is that you have absolutely no control over it.

Although this is a concern, it’s not something to worry and stress over. Since there weren’t any other indicators for down syndrome or CF, it makes it a very low possibility. The doctor also said that it could be blood inside his intestines which he swallowed from inside the womb. If this is the case, then it should disappear by our next visit in 3 weeks. If the next ultrasound shows the same thing we saw today, then we may have to decide again whether to have an amniocentesis. But until then, I’m not going to worry. Or, I’ll try not to at least.

Update: I did some googling today based on the information that we received from the doctor and what I found is more reassurance on why we shouldn’t worry as much. Here is what I found:

I believe she is referring to ‘echogenicities’ in the fetal bowel which is considered to be one of the ultrasonic “soft signs” suggesting that the fetus may be suffering from chromosomal abnomalities the most common one of course is Down syndrome. The cause of the echogenicities is not clearly known but would appear to be due to calcified meconium or a maldevelopment of the gut of the fetus. The risk of Down syndrome in the presence of the findings of echogenic bowel is only 1.4% according to a study form the Benacerraf group in Boston. Other groups however had quoted a higher incidence. Counselling and genetic amniocentesis appear to be justified in the presence of such findings.

 There are several items that can be found during an ultrasound exam that some researchers have felt that may have a significant association with Down syndrome. These findings may be seen in normal fetuses, but some obstetricians believe that their presence increases the risk of the fetus having Down syndrome or other chromosomal abnormality. These “markers” include choroid plexus cyst, echogenic bowel, echogenic intracardiac focus, and dilitation of the kidneys (pyelctasis). However, these markers as a sign of Down syndrome are still controversial, and parents-to-be should keep in mind that each marker can also be found in a small percentage of normal fetuses. These ultrasound markers are best used in women over 35 or those who have a positive blood screening test, to either downgrade the risk (in cases where no such findings are seen in the ultrasound exam) or confirm that the pregnancy is high-risk for Down syndrome. In women under 35 years of age with normal maternal serum screen test results, the identification of one of these findings on the ultrasound is not significant enough to make a pregnancy high-risk for Down syndrome.

Enough time has passed in my life where I can look back and (mostly) understand the things my parents had taught me, or at least tried to teach me, or maybe forgot to teach me as I was growing up. I wish now that I had paid attention and listened to the importance of knowing these things and how they will ultimately shape the person that I have become, or have yet to become. I plan and hope that I will be able to teach these things to my son, so he truly understands the importance of each lesson as he begins his life.

1. Don’t forget to be a kid. - Or better yet, don’t be in such a hurry to grow up. Life moves way to fast. Even when it seems to move slower than usual, it still passes by way to quickly. Kids are always stuck in a push-pull situation where parents and teachers are telling them to be responsible, grow up, act more like an adult, and yet, at the same time they are pushed back. Everyone telling them they can’t do this or that because they are just a kid. Or maybe because they aren’t old enough, or aren’t mature enough to understand. Try and recall a time when you can remember how this made you feel when someone treated you that way. I hope to remind not only Avin, but my self that being young is not something to be taken for granted. Because before we know it, responsibilities stack up and society forces us to give into it’s demands.

2. You can learn something from anything - I think this is something I’ve taught myself throughout the years. And it’s something I’ll never forget throughout my entire life. More importantly it means to never stop learning. Never stop seeking out knowledge. Never stop progressing. There is always something to learn from every experience, person, and situation that happens in your life. A lot of people seem tune out the world around them when it doesn’t involve school or work. I hope that my son understands the importance of learning from his experiences. I hope that I can teach him that you can learn things from anyone, no matter who they are, or what they do. Even if that person may disagree with you, or hold different beliefs and convictions than you do. In fact, you may even learn more from those people than the people you do agree with.

3. There is a time for work, a time for play, and a maybe even a time for both - I’ve come to learn that sometimes work and play have no distinction. Especially in the work that I do, where I actually enjoy it most of the time. It’s sort of my own personal play time that I get paid for. I want to teach my son that work can also be play, and even some play can be work, instead of teaching him the traditional sense of work first, play later. Work and play should walk hand in hand, and not take rank over each other.

4. Never let your school get in the way of your education - This almost goes hand in hand with #2. Never stop learning. Just because you’re not in school, doesn’t mean you can’t further your education, and also doesn’t mean you should stop learning. I want my son to always be seeking knowledge, regardless of how the school system should teach him to learn. In other words, I want his education to be far greater, and reach way further than what the school curriculum does.

5. Don’t be so serious - This one is pretty obvious. Just relax. Everyone takes life, work, and school so seriously that they often forget to stop for a moment and pay attention to their own lives. They forget to appreciate the smaller details, the ones that make life worth living for. The experiences that you share together with the people that are important to you. It’s great to have goals and determination, but not so much that it takes away from the time in your life where you can just let loose, relax, and enjoy those experiences you can share.

6. Be a participant in your own life - In other words, be mindful of yourself. Be aware of everything you do or say. Nothing is as important as this very moment. I hope to teach my son that when you eat, eat. When you clean, clean. When you read, read. Be present in your reading, and participate in your journey. Usually we are all ahead, thinking for the future, planning something we want to do, or thinking about what we are going to say to someone, etc. Or maybe we are thinking about the past, reliving our memories, not wanting to forget about them. Because of this, we become unaware of what’s going on right in front of us. When being mindful of your thoughts and actions, you can take the time to stop and be aware of your own thoughts, and how you may interpret them, instead of being so quick to judge and assume before you even take the chance to see the truth for what it really is.

7. Deal with the consequences of your own actions - People love to point the finger, exaggerate, and even lie to make sure that they save their own face regardless of how it may effect someone else. No matter what happens, or who performs the action, everyone should man up and deal with the consequences of their own actions. Being able to make the right choice depends on being able to deal with the wrong ones.

8. Life changes, with or without you - Planning rarely works the way it’s supposed to, and most of us can agree with that. We never planned on having a child yet, but life decided that it’s going to happen, whether we are ready or not. I want to teach my son how to accept change and progress with it, or else he’s going to be left behind, not knowing what to do next, which causes a lot of people to just give up. And I don’t ever want my son to give up. We also spend so many years in school thinking that it’s going to prepare us for life in the “real world”, only coming to realize that we have no idea what we’re doing. Learning to adapt and accept change, whatever that change may be, seems to be the best way to get by.

9. Your financial status mean very little in the grand scheme of things - “He who dies with the most toys, still dies.” I heard this phrase at church at a young age, and it has stuck with me ever since (Ha, I did learn something at church!). Because the way our society glamourizes the rich and famous, we all grow up to believe that to be truly happy, one must have the most money, and the biggest and best of things. This of course, is untrue. Unfortunately it takes many people many years to realize this, and even then, some never do. I hope that my son comes to realize this at an early age. I hope that he comes to realize that happiness comes from his own experiences and how he interprets them. I hope he never judges someone based on their financial status. And I hope he never compares his life to anyone else by the amount of money or material things he has.

10. Do what you love - This is something that seems to be long forgotten once you start getting older. When you were a kid, you could tell your parents you wanted to be an astronaut and they would say, “That’s wonderful sweetheart! Be an astronaut!”. If I said that to my parents now, they would probably think I’m on drugs. (I know I can’t be an astronaut now, but that’s besides the point). So what happened between those years of having dreams and now? We all stopped doing what we loved. And what makes it worse is that no one cared! What happened to our curiosity? Our creativity? It all seems to dwindle away the more we age, and no one does anything to make it stop. By the time it’s all over we look back and realize we wasted so much time working for someone else, hating our jobs, because we never pursued what we truly loved to do, whatever that may be. I’ll never tell my son he’s crazy for wanting to do something he loves, no matter what age.

If anyone has anything they would add to the list than post it in a comment!